Don't date the locals!
Okay, before today's rant, I just want to say that this one-day weekend BLOWS! My theory: because Egypt is predominately Muslim, and Muslims don't drink (or indulge in any of the grad-student excesses I hold so dear), they don't need the two day weekend. For them, the holy day (Friday) is enough without the debauchery/recovery period I've come to rely on. What are the odds of me pushing through some some sort of reform in the next few weeks ...?
Righty-o! Moving on!
So I haven't met too many female Western (European/American) ex-pats living here, a result of the fact that I work entirely with Egyptians. (And while my stay in the hostel exposed me to many Western people, they were more or less uniformly travelers.) This means that I have a pretty small selection size - namely, my two German roommates, their ex-Swedish roommate, and my friend Ian's German and Swedish roommates. Out of these, none have been here for years or anything - I think the span ranges from four months to one. And yet, somehow, ALL of these women are dating local men!
I know, I know, the kind of men they're likely to find here are by definition local. But really, I think it's a more significant statistic than that. Because there *are* male ex-pats as well - I run into them in grocery stores and at Cilantro (the Starbucks-style coffee-shop that only foreigners can truly appreciate), and am pretty sure they aren't dating Muslim women - so it's not solely an availability issue.
Additionally, the men here are pretty skeezy towards Western women. It runs the gamut from open-mouthed stares to marriage proposals, with the vast majority of men in between (comments in Arabic that are hopefully not too offensive, and comments in English which really aren't that bad, and could actually be flattering if I wasn't so creeped out and hadn't heard it thirty-two times already in the past 20 minutes).
Let's digress for a minute here and discuss my top five skeezy Egyptian experiences so far:
5. Not a specific experience, this is just a combination of all of the amusing pick-up lines I've heard walking around, especially in Khan al Khalili, the huge bazaar. The best were "You dropped something - my heart" and "Do you want to spend your heart in my store?" The other great one is dowry negotiation ... a jovial old man at the camel stables offered 5000 camels for me, but my friend Sheikh managed to raise the price to 15 million at Khan al Khalili ... but really, what would my parents do with that many camels???
4. Also at Khan al Khalili, as if gawking wasn't enough, some dude stuck his cell phone out as I was walking by and took a picture, about a foot from my face (I can't imagine it was very flattering). I wonder how many of his closest friends have seen it by now ...?
3. I spent an afternoon at the Museum, and afterwards explored the garden out front for a few minutes before leaving. I noticed a guy looking at me, but since it's less common for a guy NOT to look at me around here, I thought nothing of it. But then, as I'm waiting to cross the street, I hear an "Excuse me" and turn to see him standing right there. What does he say? "I love you from the first time I saw you." Umm ... five minutes ago? He goes on to tell me that he was watching me in the museum, and would love to get to know me better - did I want to go for tea? I turned the guy down, claiming a prior engagement, but he seemed so forlorn that I gave him my email address. Fortunately, I haven't heard from him since ...
2. When I was walking back towards the hostel ten minutes later, I decided to go grab some juice before collapsing from heat exhaustion. On the way, a guy about my age compliments my sunglasses. Innocent enough, I think ... so I thank him, he asks where I'm going, I say I want some juice, and the next thing I know, we're at a little side-street cafe he frequents. We spend some time talking, and I field some pretty weird comments (for example, he complimented me on my hair - and then asked what shampoo I use). After he's a) informed me that, in Egypt, many people don't date before they get married, and he thinks that's the way to go, b) told me how beautiful I am, and c) asked what kind of men I date ("dark-skinned?"), I decide things have gone a bit too far, and tell the dude that I'm engaged. Suddenly, the whole tone of the conversation changes, he has to get going, and we split the bill - and, though we both had juice, mine was 7 LE and his was only 3 LE ...
1. (Drumroll, please ....) My (second) first day of work, I stopped to ask directions from a friendly-looking business man. An old dude took over, grabbed my notepad (with the address) and started walking. When we made it here, he indicated it was the fourth floor, and then walked up half a flight of stairs with me. When we were were no one in the courtyard could see us, he put his hand behind my neck and leaned in for a kiss! Umm ... eww? I don't kiss dirty old men of any nationality (now that my Grandpa Toweill has passed away ... hehehehe), and it was clearly an inappropriate thing for him to try! I pulled away with "La! La! La!" (No! No! No!), and he accepted the rejection pretty gracefully ... my guess is he just sort of figured Western women (or Americans specifically?) were like that. But he's clearly got us all wrong - I mean, it's not like he was driving a BMW! :)
Anyhow, back to the issue at hand. CLEARLY, Egyptian men as a generic group are kind of weird, and not especially date-able by Western women ... or, at least not by me. And yet somehow, every Western woman who's here for any significant period of time winds up dating an Egyptian man! I was discussing this with my roommate, Doris, when she'd mentioned that Josephine, the girl moving out, has an Egyptian boyfriend. She said that it's very common, because dating Egyptian women is very difficult for Egyptian men ... there's too much pressure. Which I thought was interesting, because it seems to me that Egyptian men have most of the power in those relationships - what's so freaking difficult about it?? Of course, then I learned that Doris' boyfriend is Egyptian, which made so much more sense. (Side note: he's married, but "seperated - they never even talk anymore." However, he can only see Doris once every week or so, and she's never been to his apartment ... good to know that these jerks are cross-cultural!)
Anyhow, as great as Doris' theory is, I think I have a better one. It seems to me that the perception of Western women as morally lax (thank you, Hollywood!) is something that men appreciate, and that makes us more attractive than our upstanding Egyptian counterparts. Thus, Egyptian men chase Western women (and give them more attention than they generally receive from Western men) because we're more "fun." Of course, a local also told me that visas, especially US visas, are very difficult for Egyptians to get - and that marrying an American is a good way to break through the red tape. Hmm ...
This is more or less an academic inquiry for me, though, since I have no intention of dating an Egyptian, and will maintain my claim of a guy waiting for me back in Boston (I wish :P). However, understanding the men's motivation is important, because I fear that my coworker, Osman, is interested. This could just be paranoia and an over-inflated ego (both of which I tend to suffer from ...), but he did tell me I was beautiful and ask a) for my address and b) if I had plans for the evening over about a 10-minute span. If I'm reading the signs right, I need a way out. Because dating a coworker is NEVER a good idea (again, entirely academic, as this is the first time I've worked somewhere with actual MEN), and it's even worse when your coworker is the guy who translates everything between you and your boss ... I would hate to upset him!
My plan: a combination of obliviousness and a full social calendar (or so I will claim). Many of you have seen this approach before, and know how horribly it actually works - but maybe this time it'll be different ...? ;) And, if all else fails, I'll just have play the fiancee card again!
Righty-o! Moving on!
So I haven't met too many female Western (European/American) ex-pats living here, a result of the fact that I work entirely with Egyptians. (And while my stay in the hostel exposed me to many Western people, they were more or less uniformly travelers.) This means that I have a pretty small selection size - namely, my two German roommates, their ex-Swedish roommate, and my friend Ian's German and Swedish roommates. Out of these, none have been here for years or anything - I think the span ranges from four months to one. And yet, somehow, ALL of these women are dating local men!
I know, I know, the kind of men they're likely to find here are by definition local. But really, I think it's a more significant statistic than that. Because there *are* male ex-pats as well - I run into them in grocery stores and at Cilantro (the Starbucks-style coffee-shop that only foreigners can truly appreciate), and am pretty sure they aren't dating Muslim women - so it's not solely an availability issue.
Additionally, the men here are pretty skeezy towards Western women. It runs the gamut from open-mouthed stares to marriage proposals, with the vast majority of men in between (comments in Arabic that are hopefully not too offensive, and comments in English which really aren't that bad, and could actually be flattering if I wasn't so creeped out and hadn't heard it thirty-two times already in the past 20 minutes).
Let's digress for a minute here and discuss my top five skeezy Egyptian experiences so far:
5. Not a specific experience, this is just a combination of all of the amusing pick-up lines I've heard walking around, especially in Khan al Khalili, the huge bazaar. The best were "You dropped something - my heart" and "Do you want to spend your heart in my store?" The other great one is dowry negotiation ... a jovial old man at the camel stables offered 5000 camels for me, but my friend Sheikh managed to raise the price to 15 million at Khan al Khalili ... but really, what would my parents do with that many camels???
4. Also at Khan al Khalili, as if gawking wasn't enough, some dude stuck his cell phone out as I was walking by and took a picture, about a foot from my face (I can't imagine it was very flattering). I wonder how many of his closest friends have seen it by now ...?
3. I spent an afternoon at the Museum, and afterwards explored the garden out front for a few minutes before leaving. I noticed a guy looking at me, but since it's less common for a guy NOT to look at me around here, I thought nothing of it. But then, as I'm waiting to cross the street, I hear an "Excuse me" and turn to see him standing right there. What does he say? "I love you from the first time I saw you." Umm ... five minutes ago? He goes on to tell me that he was watching me in the museum, and would love to get to know me better - did I want to go for tea? I turned the guy down, claiming a prior engagement, but he seemed so forlorn that I gave him my email address. Fortunately, I haven't heard from him since ...
2. When I was walking back towards the hostel ten minutes later, I decided to go grab some juice before collapsing from heat exhaustion. On the way, a guy about my age compliments my sunglasses. Innocent enough, I think ... so I thank him, he asks where I'm going, I say I want some juice, and the next thing I know, we're at a little side-street cafe he frequents. We spend some time talking, and I field some pretty weird comments (for example, he complimented me on my hair - and then asked what shampoo I use). After he's a) informed me that, in Egypt, many people don't date before they get married, and he thinks that's the way to go, b) told me how beautiful I am, and c) asked what kind of men I date ("dark-skinned?"), I decide things have gone a bit too far, and tell the dude that I'm engaged. Suddenly, the whole tone of the conversation changes, he has to get going, and we split the bill - and, though we both had juice, mine was 7 LE and his was only 3 LE ...
1. (Drumroll, please ....) My (second) first day of work, I stopped to ask directions from a friendly-looking business man. An old dude took over, grabbed my notepad (with the address) and started walking. When we made it here, he indicated it was the fourth floor, and then walked up half a flight of stairs with me. When we were were no one in the courtyard could see us, he put his hand behind my neck and leaned in for a kiss! Umm ... eww? I don't kiss dirty old men of any nationality (now that my Grandpa Toweill has passed away ... hehehehe), and it was clearly an inappropriate thing for him to try! I pulled away with "La! La! La!" (No! No! No!), and he accepted the rejection pretty gracefully ... my guess is he just sort of figured Western women (or Americans specifically?) were like that. But he's clearly got us all wrong - I mean, it's not like he was driving a BMW! :)
Anyhow, back to the issue at hand. CLEARLY, Egyptian men as a generic group are kind of weird, and not especially date-able by Western women ... or, at least not by me. And yet somehow, every Western woman who's here for any significant period of time winds up dating an Egyptian man! I was discussing this with my roommate, Doris, when she'd mentioned that Josephine, the girl moving out, has an Egyptian boyfriend. She said that it's very common, because dating Egyptian women is very difficult for Egyptian men ... there's too much pressure. Which I thought was interesting, because it seems to me that Egyptian men have most of the power in those relationships - what's so freaking difficult about it?? Of course, then I learned that Doris' boyfriend is Egyptian, which made so much more sense. (Side note: he's married, but "seperated - they never even talk anymore." However, he can only see Doris once every week or so, and she's never been to his apartment ... good to know that these jerks are cross-cultural!)
Anyhow, as great as Doris' theory is, I think I have a better one. It seems to me that the perception of Western women as morally lax (thank you, Hollywood!) is something that men appreciate, and that makes us more attractive than our upstanding Egyptian counterparts. Thus, Egyptian men chase Western women (and give them more attention than they generally receive from Western men) because we're more "fun." Of course, a local also told me that visas, especially US visas, are very difficult for Egyptians to get - and that marrying an American is a good way to break through the red tape. Hmm ...
This is more or less an academic inquiry for me, though, since I have no intention of dating an Egyptian, and will maintain my claim of a guy waiting for me back in Boston (I wish :P). However, understanding the men's motivation is important, because I fear that my coworker, Osman, is interested. This could just be paranoia and an over-inflated ego (both of which I tend to suffer from ...), but he did tell me I was beautiful and ask a) for my address and b) if I had plans for the evening over about a 10-minute span. If I'm reading the signs right, I need a way out. Because dating a coworker is NEVER a good idea (again, entirely academic, as this is the first time I've worked somewhere with actual MEN), and it's even worse when your coworker is the guy who translates everything between you and your boss ... I would hate to upset him!
My plan: a combination of obliviousness and a full social calendar (or so I will claim). Many of you have seen this approach before, and know how horribly it actually works - but maybe this time it'll be different ...? ;) And, if all else fails, I'll just have play the fiancee card again!
posted by Teale at 9:19 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home